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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Golf Quotes III

There are two things you can do with your head down – play golf and pray. ~Lee Trevino

Golf is not just an exercise; it’s an adventure, a romance… a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined. ~Harold Segall

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it. ~Robin Williams, 1986

Golf is hockey at the halt. ~Arthur Marshall, 1985

There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn’t that set your blood racing? ~Peter Andrews

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf. It’s almost a law. 
~H.G. Wells

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture. ~Winston Churchill

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. ~Ernest Hemingway

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. 
~Don Carter

I’m a golfaholic, no question about that. Counseling wouldn’t help me. They’d have to put me in prison, and then I’d talk the warden into building a hole or two and teach him how to play. 
~Lee Trevino

Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf. ~Jack Benny

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well. ~Art Rosenbaum

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward. ~Ken Venturi

One thing about golf is you don’t know why you play bad and why you play good.~George Archer

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? ~Al Boliska

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

“After all, golf is only a game,” said Millicent. Women say these things without thinking. It does not mean that there is a kink in their character. They simply don’t realise what they are saying. ~P.G. Wodehouse

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~Billy Graham

Golf is not, on the whole, a game for realists. By its exactitudes of measurements it invites the attention of perfectionists. ~Heywood Hale Broun

Golf seems to me an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dogs out.~Princess Anne of Great Britain

If you wish to hide your character, do not play golf. ~Percey Boomer

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. ~Ben Hogan

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. ~Author Unknown

To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. ~Author Unknown

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~Jack Lemmon

I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play. ~Joe E. Lewis

One almost expects one of the players to peer into the monitor and politely request viewers to refrain from munching so loudly on cheese and crackers while the golfers are trying to reach the greens. ~Pete Alfano

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine. ~Jim Murray

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
 ~A.P. Herbert

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina. ~H.L. Mencken

Baseball players quit playing and they take up golf. Basketball players quit, take up golf. Football players quit, take up golf. What are we supposed to take up when we quit?~George Archer

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do. ~Osbert Sitwell

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. ~Jimmy DeMaret

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf. ~Henry Longhurst

The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.~George Deukmejian

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