Marriage

Seldom, or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises; there is no coming to consciousness without pain. ~ Carl Jung

We don�t seek perfect relationships in marriage or in other places in our lives. What we seek instead are real and honest connections.

Perfection has a picture-book form, but it has no depth and no personality. This means that sometimes we will get upset with others, or they will get upset with us.

We need a basic commitment to stay in the relationship dialogue, to continue returning to it as long as both people are willing to work on it. Working through crises is how a relationship grows from simply being an idea to having its unique reality.

We will be frightened by the rough spots.
We will wonder if there is something wrong with us or with the other person, or the relationship. We cannot escape such questions.

To run from the difficulties cuts off the possibilities for growth. It is a frightening thing to become real, to come into consciousness.

We have grown into one as we slept and now I can�t jump because I can�t let go your hand. ~ Marina Tsvetayeva

Long, intimate relationships often confuse us. We may lose the sense of where our individual boundaries are.

We confuse our desires and our pain with another person�s � our spouse or lover, our parent, siblings, or child.

When that relationship changes, when the other person dies or leaves or forms another intimate bond, we may feel wounded and desperate, unsure of who we are.

The blurring of boundaries is never healthy for us � although we may not feel the damage at first.

Sound relationships are carefully made.
We enter into them without giving away our own authentic responses to life.
When relationships change, of course we may feel pain; but we need not feel the awful confusion that comes from having given pieces of ourselves away.