Hamlet Off-Stage: Neutrinos Explain Suck-Uppers by D. C. Berry

Neutrinos do zip but swap back and forth
into each other, much like Rosypoop
and Guildendoo do. For years it was thought
neutrinos hung out weightless as R&G.
No longer. Scientists have discovered
neutrinos possess mass. Though invisible,
neutrinos weigh as much as all the stars.
How could I have thought the R & G twins
weightless? All the brown stains on their schnozzes.
But I can't hold that against these shufflers.
We're all brownnosers suckuping the schmooze.
And that includes my dear pal Horatio,
his sucking up to me in the last scene.
Crowing to commit suicide for me
only proves he, too, has the long brown snoot
aimed point-blank at the audience's ass.
Horatio's no Roman stoic. He's just
another soul out to establish mass
and show the world he's not a weightless mole,
for proof there's the stain on his nose.