We establish relationships with many different types of people. Our family members, neighbors, co-workers, friends, spouses, significant others, etc. We’ve been taught that the love is different depending on who we’re loving.
The emotion of love is the same regardless of who you feel it for. You want them to be happy, you accept them as they are, and you appreciate some aspect(s) about them. So if love is the same, why does it feel so different depending on who you love?
Love is an emotion that nearly everyone has experienced at some time in their life. One would think that with such a familiar concept, researchers would agree on what constitutes love and how to measure it. That has not been the case. Most research on love is based on a priori theoretical conceptualizations. It’s quite possible that if a researcher starts out by defining love and then develops a measure to quantify that conceptualization, the results would tend to reflect this process.
A romantic relationship is one where you have a deep feeling of connection to the other person. You accept them as they are, want them to feel good, and deeply appreciate who they are. They fit in with most of your preferences in a life partner, i.e.; personality, life goals, beliefs and value systems, etc. One of the ways you desire to express your love for them through your sexuality. Sex is the one key element that distinguishes a romantic relationship from all other types.
Passionate Love Vs Companionate Love
Passionate love is an intense state of longing for union with another. It has three components: 1) cognitive – intrusive preoccupation with the person, idealization of that person, and desire to know the person; 2) Emotional – Attraction/Sexual attraction, positive and negative feelings, longing for reciprocity, desire for union, physiological arousal; and 3) Behavioral – Actions to determine the other’s feelings, studying the person, service to the person, maintaining physical closeness.
Companionate love is the affection that we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.
Passionate love is an intense state of longing for union with another. It has three components: 1) cognitive – intrusive preoccupation with the person, idealization of that person, and desire to know the person; 2) Emotional – Attraction/Sexual attraction, positive and negative feelings, longing for reciprocity, desire for union, physiological arousal; and 3) Behavioral – Actions to determine the other’s feelings, studying the person, service to the person, maintaining physical closeness.
Companionate love is the affection that we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined.
Three Dimensional View Of Love
The experience of love is a function of levels of intimacy, commitment and passion (Sternberg, 1988). In the Table below, for each type of love, a plus sign indicates the presense of each dimension of love, and a minus sign indicates that the dimension is not present.
The experience of love is a function of levels of intimacy, commitment and passion (Sternberg, 1988). In the Table below, for each type of love, a plus sign indicates the presense of each dimension of love, and a minus sign indicates that the dimension is not present.
Love Styles
Primary love styles: Eros – Love at first sight, based on physical attributes and is mostly physical arousal;
Storge – loving affection that develops over time, is primarily affection and commitment; Ludos– a rover and collector of loves, very pluralistic.
Secondary love styles:
Mania – intense preoccupation with the loved one, intensly jealous and possessive, in need of constant reassurance of partner’s love. Projects desired qualities on partner.
Pragma – looking for a compatible partner;
Agape – Selfless, caring without self interest
Love Acts
Behaviors are classified in terms of the functions they serve in facilitating reproduction. Four love tasks:
1) to attract a mate;
2) to retain the mate;
3) to reproduce; and
4) parental investment.
Behaviors are classified in terms of the functions they serve in facilitating reproduction. Four love tasks:
1) to attract a mate;
2) to retain the mate;
3) to reproduce; and
4) parental investment.
Love Is
- caring
- happiness
- want to be with the person
- friendship
- free to talk about anything
- warm feelings
- accept the person the way they are
- trust
- commitment
- sharing
- think about the person all the time
- sacrifice
- understanding
- honesty
- respect
- contentment
- euphoria
- put the other first
- sexual passion
- supportive
- attachment
- closeness
- empathy
- concern for the person’s well being
- heart rate increases
- helping
- feel good about self
- forgiveness
- have a lot in common
- miss the person when we’re apart
- feel relaxed with the person
- giving
- liking
- security
- unconditional
- interest in the person
- intimacy
- laughing
- loyalty
- physical attraction
- uncertainty
- affection
- butterflies in stomach
- compassion
- dependency
- do things for the person
- excitement
- kind
- the person is important
- positive outlook
- responsibility
- see only the person’s good qualities
- touching
- devotion
- energy
- gazing at the other
- mutual
- need each other
- openness
- patience
- protective
- scary
- sexual appeal
- wonderful feelings
- admiration
- comfort
- want the best for the person
- long-lasting
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